The Onion

The Onion

FDA Loosens Restrictions On Dousing Children With Synthetic Peptides Until Something Happens https://theonion.com/fda-loosens-restrictions-on-dousing-children-with-synthetic-peptides-until-something-happens/

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Reposts: 39 ▼ 90%

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The Onion

Commentary: Growing Up With Brothers, I’ve Always Gotten Along Better With Guys Who Don’t Respect Me

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Carlos Alcaraz Credits Success To Tennis Being Easiest Game In The World https://theonion.com/carlos-alcaraz-credits-success-to-tennis-being-easiest-game-in-the-world/

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12-Year-Old Accepted Into Worst College Imaginable https://theonion.com/12-year-old-accepted-into-worst-college-imaginable/

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‘Real Housewives Of Rhode Island’ All Holding Gov. Dan McKee In Opening Credits

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Soaring Gas Prices Forcing More Americans To Drink Less Gas

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Pentagon Develops Tactical Zoot Suit https://theonion.com/pentagon-develops-tactical-zoot-suit/

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Hiker Airlifted After Being Stung By Bees Over 100 Times https://theonion.com/hiker-airlifted-after-being-stung-by-bees-over-100-times/

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U.S. Fertility Rate Plummets To Pre-Nick Cannon Levels

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Nipple Of Baby’s Bottle Pierced For Authenticity

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The Onion

“The president is clearly enraged at somebody, but the clip provides far too little context to know who exactly is meant to be targeted,” said political analyst Allen Mueller

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The Onion

“I’ve been using ChatGPT to help with cooking for a while now, so I didn’t think too much of it when the ingredients list included a bottle filled with gasoline and a cloth wick,” said the alleged attacker

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The Onion

“My administration was able to find a lot of common ground with Pedotopia. Other presidents have tried, but this is the first time anyone has succeeded.” said President Donald Trump

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The Onion

Real Estate: Never Mind, It’s An Airbnb Now

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The Onion

You have lots of limitations. Spending shouldn't be one of them. https://store.theonion.com/products/plan-to-be-more-positive-headline-t-shirt?variant=39601425023045

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Trump Escalates Feud With Unclear Adversary By Posting AI Video Of Self Fucking Basketball https://theonion.com/trump-escalates-feud-with-unclear-adversary-by-posting-ai-video-of-self-fucking-basketball/

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Justin Bieber Performs Coachella Aftershow Lying Face-Down On Massage Table

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U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia

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Automatic U.S. Military Draft Registration To Begin By December https://theonion.com/automatic-u-s-military-draft-registration-to-begin-by-december/

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Man Who Threw Molotov Cocktail At Sam Altman’s Home Claims He Was Following ChatGPT Recipe For Risotto https://theonion.com/man-who-threw-molotov-cocktail-at-sam-altmans-home-claims-he-was-following-chatgpt-recipe-for-risotto/

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GLP-1s: Myth Vs. Fact https://theonion.com/glp-1s-myth-vs-fact/

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The Onion

U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia https://theonion.com/u-s-reaches-trade-deal-with-pedotopia/

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The Onion

Blothar The Berserker Of GWAR Explains How Independent Journalism Is The Only Force As Powerful As GWAR. Subscribe to The Onion at membership.theonion.com.

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: The Noble Prize

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Illinois Becomes First State To Require Haircut Leave While Bob Grows Out https://theonion.com/illinois-becomes-first-state-to-require-haircut-leave-while-bob-grows-out/

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The Onion

Woman On Diet Weighing Out Peanut Butter Like It Hard Drugs https://theonion.com/woman-on-diet-weighing-out-peanut-butter-like-it-hard-drugs/

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The Onion

Rory McIlroy Struggling To Fit Big Check Into Mobile Deposit Photo

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Perfect Gentleman Does Not Assault Drunk Woman https://theonion.com/perfect-gentleman-does-not-assault-drunk-woman-1819578655/

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The Onion

Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test

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