Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt

But Bobby Pacino makes the best calzones in Staten Island.

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Patton Oswalt

I love the wedding announcements in the NYTimes Sunday Styles.

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Patton Oswalt

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

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Patton Oswalt

Solid vibes in Wilmington, DE this morning. #NoKings

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Patton Oswalt

Yes, there are 50 jokes in this thread. Blaine is a genius.

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Patton Oswalt

I loved Drew Struzan’s artwork so much. Especially loved how, for THE NAME OF THE ROSE poster, he drew Sean Connery in a, “nuh-UH girl” pose.

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Patton Oswalt

This Sunday at Largo at The Coronet! PATTON OSWALT AND FRIENDS! Lucas Hirl! Melissa Villaseñor! Judd Apatow! Tickets are vanishing! See you there!

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Patton Oswalt

💯💯💯💯💯💯

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Patton Oswalt

“Actually, I did JAWS THE REVENGE to be an environmental ambassador, to help raise awareness of our fragile ocean ecosystems.” — Michael Caine, at no time in his career

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Patton Oswalt

I don’t know anything about the Nobel process so I’m asking sincerely — DO people openly campaign for the award? Was that a thing that ever happened?

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Patton Oswalt

The deleted “Mouth of Sauron” scene in RETURN OF THE KING and the “Romero negotiates” scene in ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK are basically the same energy.

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Patton Oswalt

Oh god. I recount this nightmare in detail in my first memoir, ZOMBIE SPACESHIP WASTELAND. It’s the chapter called “The Victory Tour.” The worst road experience I’ve ever had.

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Patton Oswalt

This is why I love Chicago so much. Their “we will fuck with you” reserves are BOTTOMLESS.

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Patton Oswalt

🎶Thicker than A deep dish pie Joints are sore Blood pressure high Pudding, flan And crème brûlée None are safe From the Green Beignets🎶

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Patton Oswalt

He’s seen the photos, she’s seen the photos, and there’s nothing else she can do or say. This is textbook, “I will never ask you a question I don’t already know the answer to.”

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Patton Oswalt

Another beautiful Burbank morning.

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Patton Oswalt

It has begun. No flesh shall be spared. Also, I’m in Milwaukee, Hammond and Flint this week! Go to pattonoswalt.com for tix!

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Patton Oswalt

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

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Patton Oswalt

The included story is from Ruby’s collection THIS PARADISE which is all bangers. One of the best short story collections I’ve read in years. Available from @boilerhouse.bsky.social!

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Patton Oswalt

GHOST BOX IV is here from Hingston & Olsen! I’ve curated 11 creep-tastic horror tales, and they come in H&O’s signature, coffin-style case! One-time printing and this WILL sell out! Grab one now!

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Patton Oswalt

Wow!!! Amazing review!!!

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Patton Oswalt

Here we go! Playtime isn’t playing this time! #MinorThreats

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Patton Oswalt

Whoa! SNAP! How is Trump gonna recover from this?!?! The gloves are OFF.

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Patton Oswalt

Happy 40th Ganniversary to all who celebrate.

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Patton Oswalt

💔💔💔💔💔💔

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Patton Oswalt

I love how — on BlueSky and then Twitter — I got THE most “BlueSky” and “Twitter” responses about my Texas Chainsaw Massacre theory. Anyway, go see CHAIN REACTIONS when you get a chance.

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Patton Oswalt

www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/wil...

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Patton Oswalt

Friday, October 17th! Wilmington, Delaware! It’s FINALLY HAPPENING. Come see an hour plus of new material plus a new shirt I just bought! pattonoswalt.com for tix!

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Patton Oswalt

Stellar review! New issue drops tomorrow!

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Patton Oswalt

Hark! I bring good news!

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Patton Oswalt

This is excellent advice

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Patton Oswalt

Apparently, when I post up for a fist bump it means PUNCH MY FIST AS HARD AS YOU CAN. Jesus fucking Christ.

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Patton Oswalt

Happy birthday to funniest man alive and it isn’t even close

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Patton Oswalt

When freedom is under fire you can count on me to ramble and mutter incoherently.

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Patton Oswalt

Here we go Austin! Paramount Theatre this Friday and FantasticFest alllllll weekend!

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Patton Oswalt

I always maintained the NBC show THE SLAP should have been about a tough cop named Cal Slapowicz.

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Patton Oswalt

The brilliant and hilarious Grace Johnson.

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Patton Oswalt

(Jerry Lewis voice): GROYPERS

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Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

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Patton Oswalt

I have a mint Venus of Willendorf still in the original packaging.

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Patton Oswalt

A stunning, dark, intense movie that I do NOT recommend for everyone. Horrifically timely.

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Patton Oswalt

That is…uh, not a drawing of an adult woman. *shudder*

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Patton Oswalt

So glad ICE is in Chicago. The city is a lawless hell-scape. Blues musicians wrecking hundreds of police cars. High schoolers doing weird scientific sex experiments. Kids home alone during the holidays. Women killing their husbands and lovers and then SINGING about it sassily. This has to stop.

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Patton Oswalt

Lodge 49

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Patton Oswalt

The Colonel… he TASKS me…

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Patton Oswalt

Push ‘em back push ‘em back waaaaaaay back!

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Patton Oswalt

You petty ghouls making fun of Trump’s health aren’t fit to change his freshly soaked-and-soiled diapers every time a door slams near him.

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Patton Oswalt

New Substack post!

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Patton Oswalt

Heaven.

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Patton Oswalt

New school year, same Durbs.

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Patton Oswalt

💯💯💯💯💯💯😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Patton Oswalt

Oh wow! Flattered!!!

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Patton Oswalt

It’s just part of the process.

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Patton Oswalt

So stoked to be a part of this. Grab yer blood buckets and get to the theater, NOW!

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