The Onion

The Onion

Only inaccurate six days a week. store.theonion.com/p...

Likes: 431 ▼ 83% Sign in

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Reposts: 20 ▼ 92%

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The Onion

Analysis Finds Many Medieval Books Bound With Seal Skin theonion.com/analysi...

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The Onion

Man Going To Take Edge Off With Decades-Long Slide Into Alcoholism theonion.com/man-goi...

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The Onion

Tips For Decorating Easter Eggs theonion.com/tips-fo...

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The Onion

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The Onion

New IRS Campaign Fucking Dares You To Take Deduction For Home Office:

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The Onion

You’re Not The Man I Married—You’re Significantly More Attractive And Loving theonion.com/youre-n...

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The Onion

Chris Columbus Admits There Are Hours Of ‘Home Alone 2’ Outtakes Featuring Trump Saying Racial Slurs

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The Onion

It Only Tuesday

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The Onion

Björk Performs Benefit Concert For Wilted Sunflowers In Mushroom Forest theonion.com/bjork-p...

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The Onion

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good theonion.com/parents...

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The Onion

“How can I return an innocent man to the United States when I don’t have the ability to feel empathy or compassion?” said Nayib Bukele theonion.com/salvado...

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The Onion

Your hands were made to click the “buy” button. store.theonion.com/c...

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The Onion

Tips For Decorating Easter Eggs theonion.com/tips-fo...

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

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The Onion

Stephen A. Smith Hasn’t Ruled Out Living Cushy Life As Millionaire TV Personality With No Responsibilities theonion.com/stephen...

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The Onion

Ultimately cheaper than joining a cult. Become an Onion member today for your last chance to get the April 2025 edition of the Onion Newspaper. Join America's Finest Membership here:membership.theonion....

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The Onion

Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man

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The Onion

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The Onion

LeBron James Becomes First Male Athlete To Have Likeness Depicted In Ken Doll theonion.com/lebron-...

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The Onion

Aaron Rodgers Goes On Ayahuasca Retreat In Search Of New Interview Anecdote theonion.com/aaron-r...

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The Onion

How To Play Golf Against The Man Whose Wife You're Banging On The Side

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Paternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

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Reposts: 58 ▼ 77%

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The Onion

Report: Wife Hasn’t Been Home In Few Days

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The Onion

Aerosol Can Surprisingly Upfront About Giving You Cancer theonion.com/aerosol...

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The Onion

Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’ theonion.com/prostit...

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The Onion

Study Links Binge Eating To Stress, Contentment, Depression, Joy, Boredom, Anger, Relaxation theonion.com/study-l...

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The Onion

🌶️ Things are heating up in the S🤩X House! 🌶️

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The Onion

Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death theonion.com/man-who...

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The Onion

Coachella Organizers Announce Plans To Extend Festival To 52 Weekends A Year theonion.com/coachel...

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The Onion

Trump’s Tariffs By The Numbers theonion.com/trumps-...

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The Onion

Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison theonion.com/judge-g...

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The Onion

Report: Majority Of Nation’s Civic Engagement Centered Around Oppressing Other People theonion.com/report-...

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The Onion

Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker theonion.com/revised...

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The Onion

Coachella Unveils Premium VIP Areas Where Fans Will Be Able To See, Hear Bands theonion.com/coachel...

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The Onion

FBI Warns Of ‘American Dream’ Scam theonion.com/fbi-war...

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The Onion

Solidify your unyielding commitment to capitalism with a purchase from The Onion's 100% for-profit store. store.theonion.com/p...

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The Onion

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The Onion

Trump Releases Skull Measurements From Phrenology Exam theonion.com/trump-r...

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The Onion

Researchers Taste Miso Fermented In Space theonion.com/researc...

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The Onion

Hush Falls Over Crowd After Bagel Tears ACL In Jumbotron Race theonion.com/hush-fa...

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Thirst Communion

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The Onion

Have a written record of society’s collapse. Join America's Finest Membership Here: membership.theonion....

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The Onion

Trump’s Tariffs: By The Numbers theonion.com/trumps-...

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The Onion

Don't let Frank's age fool you! He might be the biggest nympho in the S🤩X House

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Thirst Communion

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The Onion

New Clearblue Test Comes With Flight Voucher In Case Result Positive

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The Onion

Corporation Proud Of Origins As Small Business That Would Never Survive In Modern Economy theonion.com/corpora...

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The Onion

“I said to him, ‘Donald, these reciprocal tariffs have got to go,’ and that poor son of a bitch was like putty in my hands,” said Trump theonion.com/trump-b...

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The Onion

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The Onion

Dark times call for reckless purchases. store.theonion.com/c...

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The Onion

Tips For Managing Seasonal Allergies theonion.com/tips-fo...

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The Onion

U.S. Imposes Tariffs On Remote Island Of Penguins And Seals theonion.com/u-s-imp...

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The Onion

Katy Perry Unaware She Already Chosen To Be Jettisoned If There Emergency In Space

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The Onion

Mother Extremists Hijack Airwaves To Broadcast Photos Of Their Children theonion.com/mother-...

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The Onion

Russell Brand Invited To Florida College To Teach Sexual Assault Workshop

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The Onion

NASA Rescues Children Stranded For 9 Months At Space Camp

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The Onion

Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing Tariffs

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The Onion

The Onion Cultural Standard: Yellowjackets

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The Onion

Pebble Rattling Around In Shoe Turns Out To Be Loose Toe

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The Onion

Dainty Little Man Orders Single Cheeseburger theonion.com/dainty-...

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The Onion

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack theonion.com/gorilla...

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The Onion

Shop at The Onion store. It's not like anything else has made you happy. store.theonion.com/c...

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The Onion

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The Onion

What To Know About The TikTok Sale theonion.com/what-to...

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The Onion

Mall Escalator Spits Out Another Pile Of Bones

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The Onion

Galapagos Tortoises Become First-Time Parents At 100 theonion.com/galapag...

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The Onion

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The Onion

Trump Boys Hook Dollar Bill Up To Potato To Make Cryptocurrency theonion.com/trump-b...

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The Onion

Is Alex The Biggest Nympho In The S🤩X House?

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The Onion

White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers

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The Onion

Prostitute Falls Asleep During ‘Star Wars’

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The Onion

Never-Before-Heard Buzzword Flying Around Office Can’t Be Good theonion.com/never-b...

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The Onion

“Let me be clear: This man, who attempted to park on the street and damaged the rear bumper of a Model 3, is a domestic terrorist who deserves to die,” said Pam Bondi theonion.com/man-who...

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The Onion

Mega Millions Raises Price Of Tickets To $5 theonion.com/mega-mi...

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The Onion

Help keep quality journalism limping along. store.theonion.com/c...

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The Onion

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The Onion

Patrick Schwarzenegger Worried ‘White Lotus’ Role Will Typecast Him As Hand Job Recipient theonion.com/patrick...

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The Onion

Roseanne Barr’s Illiteracy Charity Snatches 100 Millionth Book From Child theonion.com/roseann...

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The Onion

Report: Recession Fears Forcing More Americans To Hold Off On Retiring From Presidency

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The Onion

RFK Jr. Orders Removal Of Sinks From HHS Bathrooms

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The Onion

Become an Onion member while it's still optional. Join America's Finest Membership here: membership.theonion....

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The Onion

Ozempic User Explains How Weight Loss Changed The Way People Slapped Her Belly

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The Onion

Nestlé Buys E.Coli For $2.3 Billion

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The Onion

Man Who Bumped Tesla While Parallel Parking Sentenced To Death

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The Onion

Ominous New Report Just Lists Places To Hide theonion.com/ominous...

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The Onion

Florida Gators Climb Ladder With Scissors To Circumcise Dick Vitale theonion.com/florida-gato...

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The Onion

3-Year-Old Discovers 3,800-Year-Old Amulet While On Family Outing theonion.com/3-year-...

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The Onion

100% real clothes sourced directly from a natural commercial clothing manufacturer. store.theonion.com/c...

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The Onion

Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison

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The Onion

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The Onion

Sam Mendes Admits Idea For 4 Beatles Biopics Conceived Before He Heard About TV theonion.com/sam-men...

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The Onion

Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker

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The Onion

The Doctors Telling Us Not To Drink Our Urine Probably Just Want It For Themselves theonion.com/the-doc...

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The Onion

Trump Assures U.S. Farmers Barron Will Eat Their Crops

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The Onion

What To Know About The TikTok Sale theonion.com/what-to...

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The Onion

WELCOME TO SEX HOUSE! Time To Meet The Nymphos

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The Onion

Tourist Asks Passerby To Take Boudoir Photo Of Him theonion.com/tourist...

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The Onion

Masters Crowd Whispering Its Lungs Out

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