The Onion

The Onion

Political Profile: James Talarico https://theonion.com/political-profile-james-talarico/

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The Onion

U.S. Suffers Additional Casualties In War It Won Last Week

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The Onion

Study: Humans Evolved Opposable Thumbs To Signal ‘All Good’ To Buddies After Falling Off Roof https://theonion.com/study-humans-evolved-opposable-thumbs-to-signal-all-good-to-buddies-after-falling-off-roof/

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The Onion

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’ https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-after-trump-screams-fuck-im-dying/

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The Onion

‘Do It!’ Shout Wincing Trump Boys Cutting Off Hair To Avoid Draft https://theonion.com/do-it-shout-wincing-trump-boys-cutting-off-hair-to-avoid-draft/

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The Onion

Justin Trudeau Finally Comfortable Enough To Keep Brown Face Paint At Katy Perry’s https://theonion.com/justin-trudeau-finally-comfortable-enough-to-keep-brown-face-paint-at-katy-perrys/

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The Onion

‘Deadwood—Now That’s A Great Show,’ Says Dad After 17-Minute Lapse In Conversation https://theonion.com/deadwood-now-thats-a-great-show-says-dad-after-17-minute-lapse-in-conversation/

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The Onion

According to White House sources, the confrontation began shortly after the 84-year-old former Senate Republican leader entered the Oval Office, looked around the room, and commented, “Looks like we’re early for the Easter service.”

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The Onion

“At some point, in ideal conditions, maybe I would be able to cobble together some feelings about Donald Glover playing a digital dinosaur, but right now I’m tired—very, very tired,” said Wisconsin resident Gina Logan

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The Onion

Likes: 1167 ▼ 32% Request Access

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The Onion

Our clothing items have all the correct holes marked for easy application. https://store.theonion.com/products/i-enjoy-drinking-beer-headline-t-shirt?variant=42389502623813

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The Onion

Kate Hudson Under Fire For Doing Wisconsinface In ‘Song Sung Blue’ https://theonion.com/kate-hudson-under-fire-for-doing-wisconsinface-in-song-sung-blue/

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The Onion

Trump, Mitch McConnell Clash In Oval Office Over Where They Are https://theonion.com/trump-mitch-mcconnell-clash-in-oval-office-over-where-they-are/

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The Onion

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

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The Onion

Trump Defends Wearing Fruit Hat, Samba Dancing During Dignified Transfer https://theonion.com/trump-defends-wearing-fruit-hat-samba-dancing-during-dignified-transfer/

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The Onion

Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail

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The Onion

Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi https://theonion.com/exhausted-nation-lacks-strength-to-form-opinion-on-donald-glover-being-voice-of-yoshi/

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The Onion

‘NY Times’ Columnists Hold Roundtable To Determine What’s Wrong With Them https://theonion.com/ny-times-columnists-hold-roundtable-to-determine-whats-wrong-with-them/

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The Onion

The Onion Film Standard: Oscars 2026

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The Onion

This Weeks Onion Magazine: Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50

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The Onion

RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes To Keep Bugs From Crawling In Cockhole https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-urges-americans-to-grow-lots-of-pubes-to-keep-bugs-from-crawling-in-cockhole/

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The Onion

Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him https://theonion.com/father-teaches-son-how-to-shave-him-1819579605/

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The Onion

“I like where you’re going with it for sure, it’s just, uh, I was thinking we’d go with something a little more, I don’t know, modern?” said Vice President JD Vance

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The Onion

“Which way is Iran?” “Woman! Tell me if Iran is to the left of here or if it’s south!” the commander-in-chief yelled at a morning commuter

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The Onion

Real Estate: Tommy’s Parents Are Out Of Town, Let’s Party

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The Onion

You have lots of limitations. Spending shouldn't be one of them. http://store.theonion.com/products/history-sighs-repeats-itself-onion-headline-t-shirt-1

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The Onion

Tips For Researching Local Candidates https://theonion.com/tips-for-researching-local-candidates/

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The Onion

Cool Dad Raising Daughter On Media That Will Put Her Entirely Out Of Touch With Her Generation https://theonion.com/cool-dad-raising-daughter-on-media-that-will-put-her-en-1819572981/

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The Onion

Guy Ordering Nonalcoholic Beer Has Either Seen A Ton Of Shit Or No Shit At All https://theonion.com/guy-ordering-nonalcoholic-beer-has-either-seen-a-ton-of-shit-or-no-shit-at-all/

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The Onion

AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self https://theonion.com/ai-agent-begins-mining-crypto-after-freeing-self/

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Reposts: 86 ▼ 63%

Quotes: 5 ▼ 82%