The Onion

The Onion

Netanyahu: ‘These So-Called Genocide Experts Have Probably Never Committed A Genocide In Their Lives’ https://theonion.com/netanyahu-these-so-called-genocide-experts-have-probably-never-committed-a-genocide-in-their-lives/

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Reposts: 276 ▲ 119%

Quotes: 12 ▲ 100%

The Onion

Dog Loves Bungee Jumping, Owner Of Bungee-Jumping Dog Reports https://theonion.com/dog-loves-bungee-jumping-owner-of-bungee-jumping-dog-reports/

Likes: 971 ▼ 10% Request Access

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Reposts: 57 ▼ 54%

Quotes: 1 ▼ 83%

The Onion

Internship Providing Woman With Hands-On-Shoulders Experience

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The Onion

Kevin Durant Terrified After Encountering Bobblehead Of Self https://theonion.com/kevin-durant-terrified-after-encountering-bobblehead-of-self/

Likes: 387 ▼ 64% Request Access

Replies: 9 ▼ 40% Request Access

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: The (Sc)Avengers

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The Onion

Pixar Apologizes After Learning ‘Hoppers’ Slur For Beavers https://theonion.com/pixar-apologizes-after-learning-hoppers-slur-for-beavers/

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The Onion

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

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Quotes: 18 ▲ 200%

The Onion

“I’ve got a couple dozen hostile and extremely large individuals impeding an officer—I need as many agents as you can send me, now!” said Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Ken Fischer

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The Onion

“It’s incredible to think that just a few years ago, she barely knew the words to condemn one of her playmates to a life of forced labor, and now she’s already old enough to be meeting boys and issuing them death sentences,” said Kim Jong Un

Likes: 1332 ▲ 23% Request Access

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The Onion

Real Estate: Comes With The Mugs

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The Onion

Fulfill your destiny. Buy Onion Merch. https://store.theonion.com/products/the-onion-dark-mode-t-shirt?variant=42154992795717

Likes: 94 ▼ 91% Request Access

Replies: 2 ▼ 86% Request Access

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Best Get-Laid Plan

Likes: 590 ▼ 45% Request Access

Replies: 29 ▲ -45% Request Access

Reposts: 54 ▼ 57%

Quotes: 13 ▲ 116%

The Onion

Academy Museum Acquires Original Disney Adult https://theonion.com/academy-museum-acquires-original-disney-adult/

Likes: 653 ▼ 39% Request Access

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The Onion

Pentagon Cuts Ties With Anthropic Over AI Safeguards https://theonion.com/pentagon-cuts-ties-with-anthropic-over-ai-safeguards/

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The Onion

CNN Under Fire For Failing To Disclose Pro-Iran War Panelist Actually Raytheon DeepStrike Missile https://theonion.com/cnn-under-fire-for-failing-to-disclose-pro-iran-war-pan-1836887896/

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Reposts: 203 ▲ 61%

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The Onion

ICE Agent Injured After Repeatedly Trying To Detain People In Neighborhood Mural https://theonion.com/ice-agent-injured-after-repeatedly-trying-to-detain-people-in-neighborhood-mural/

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The Onion

Likes: 616 ▼ 43% Request Access

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The Onion

Kim Jong Un Can’t Believe Daughter Already Executing Boys https://theonion.com/kim-jong-un-cant-believe-daughter-already-executing-boys/

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The Onion

Texas Criminalizes Contents of All Baggies

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The Onion

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Best Get-Laid Plan

Likes: 590 ▼ 45% Request Access

Replies: 29 ▲ -45% Request Access

Reposts: 54 ▼ 57%

Quotes: 13 ▲ 116%

The Onion

U.S. Military Announces Plan To Consolidate All Wars Into Final, Epic Battle https://theonion.com/u-s-military-announces-plan-to-consolidate-all-wars-in-1824018300/

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Reposts: 294 ▲ 133%

Quotes: 28 ▲ 366%

The Onion

Forgetful Man Playing Fast And Loose With Free Trials https://theonion.com/forgetful-man-playing-fast-and-loose-with-free-trials/

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The Onion

“Look, I know it’s your guys’ job to ask, but my answer is the same as always: Jayson won’t be back on the floor until he scores at least an eight on the Mazzulla Logic Meridian, and he’s just not there yet,” a visibly annoyed Mazzulla told reporters

Likes: 453 ▼ 58% Request Access

Replies: 8 ▼ 46% Request Access

Reposts: 36 ▼ 71%

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The Onion

We Need To Take Trump’s Rhetoric Seriously, But Not Literally vs. Have That Guy Killed

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The Onion

“He’s gonna have to say it out loud eventually, and it feels like he could take it in some kind of insane direction like HOOR-muzz or maybe horm-SUH,” said Arkansas resident Janet Flitchen

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The Onion

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The Onion

Dark times call for reckless purchases. https://store.theonion.com/products/congress-now-more-than-ever-our-nation-needs-your-cowardice-front-page-t-shirt?variant=44514833137733

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The Onion

Homesick Kid On Sleepover Needs To Just Tough It The Fuck Out https://theonion.com/homesick-kid-on-sleepover-needs-to-just-tough-it-the-fu-1819573398/

Likes: 932 ▼ 13% Request Access

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The Onion

Trump Wins $60 On Kalshi Betting He’ll Bomb Iran

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Quotes: 9 ▲ 50%

The Onion

Ayatollah Killed In U.S. Airstrike https://theonion.com/ayatollah-killed-in-u-s-airstrike/

Likes: 915 ▼ 15% Request Access

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Reposts: 115 ▼ 8%

Quotes: 2 ▼ 66%